Post 9-Individual Script Feedback

When we were first told about this task we were told we had to initially think up ideas for a short films lasting six minutes. We have come across many scripts in the AS and beginning of the A2 course, however when it came to thinking of an idea and putting it into practice it proved to be quite a challenge. My initial idea was to involve the idea of child poverty into my script because i feel its a topic that needs to be discussed more in society, however when thinking about the practicality of this i soon realised that using a child would be a  lot of hassle when it came to casting and filming. A few weeks prior to this Becky, a producer of short films came in to talk to us about how to make a short film successful and the art of script writing and it is then when i realised how much thought must go into script. Becky stated how difficult it was involving young children and the elderly into our short films. She also stated the film must have a catalyst for change, and be interesting, grabbing the audiences attention throughout.

My Script-Never Forgotten.
I began with the idea of involving a small child throughout the play but then realised that this wasn't a realistic idea, because they would be difficult to cast and possible a liability when filming. I then came up with the idea of shooting the whole film from the child's point of view, this way i could use an older child so they would take to direction a lot easier. I wanted my film to be stylistic and really get the message across to the audience, rather than sending them a subtle and un-noticed message.

Watching the short film 'Does god play football' really showed me how to heavily involve the use of music and lighting to create an overall more stylistic effect. As seen in the image below my script was set out completely wrong, the font was the wrong style and size and also the font layout was incorrect, this could obviously be easily corrected however Becky stated that a producer won't even look at your script if the font and layout aren't correct therefore it seems to be an essential part of the whole script.

Class Feedback
When asking fellow classmates about my script they all came back with similar feedback, stating it was quite confusing and that the message wasn't clear, which is essentially the complete opposite of how i wanted to script to come across. Others went on to say that if my script did get made into a short film it would be a very complex editing process. Another criticism was that the layout was not in correct script format. In contrast to these criticisms others stated that it was a good initial idea and picked up on my intended message. I feel all of this feedback is very constructive and i can work on my script to make it less confusing and try to make the message a lot clearer.

Becky's Feedback.
When reading my script Becky said that she found that being stylistic can work effectively, however if there's no point to your film it doesn't work. She told me i needed to include a catalyst for change and show to what extent Amy had been scared emotionally by her mother as the audience need to relate, possibly through personal experience. She stated that my message did not come through to the audience enough. However she did say if i pulled it off when filming that it would be an extremely effective short film. I completely understand all of Becky's feedback and feel that the ideas i had in my head did not relate on paper as well as i thought they did, this error meant the majority of people who read my script got confused as to the point of the story. For this reason i have altered my script, with less flashbacks and i have added to the ending. The image below shows my second draft of my script.